Memories and Melodies
by BigTimeCrush
Summary: Kendall claims he's completely over James... what will happen when the two finally see each other after they haven't spoken in three years? Kames and some Cargan! SLASH R&R Smutty/fluffy


**Kames Time ;) So happy I'm writing another one of my favorite BTR pairings :D Hope you enjoy it! NOT taken in the setting of the Palm Woods!**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!**

It was late on a Friday night, and a twenty-one year old Kendall Knight pulled up on to the street, nearly a block away from his best friend's large beach house for their house warming party. He was dressed pretty casually, but with just the right amount of sophistication; blue straight leg jeans, a loose off white T-shirt and a black blazer to add a little edge to his attire. His hair was the same as it always is, blonde and flowy. He looked great, and felt this was the perfect opportunity to show off his new and beautiful girlfriend, Jo.

"Your friends sure do love to party," Jo joked, smiling at him sweetly.

They tried to make their way towards the house, but unfortunately with no side walk, and the countless number of parked cars, the petite girl could barely keep up with Kendall in her three inch stiletto heels and sleeveless, tight burgundy mini dress. Kendall chuckled and felt bad that the poor girl was pretty much tripping in her shoes.

"Jo, you can hardly walk in those." Kendall pointed out, stopping with her.

She rolled her eyes. "Ugh, I knew I never should have let Camille talk me into buying these neck- breakers!" she said, looking down at her shoes.

Kendall chuckled. "Here, let me make it easier for you," and with that, Kendall scooped Jo up in his arms and carried her bridal style towards the house, earning him a smile and kiss on the cheek from Jo as a thank you.

As soon as they opened the door, the loud vibrations they heard a block away turned into blaring music and the sweet smell of Carlos's cooking came right out. They both were in awe at how he and his boyfriend Logan arranged this whole get together and invited all of their friends, and they do mean_ all_ of their friends. They made their way in, through a crowd of people and finally found the two partners in crime talking to a few people.

"Carlos, Logan!" Kendall called out, waving to them.

The two boys turned their heads and instantly lit up and made their way towards Kendall and Jo.

"Hey buddy," Carlos said giving the blonde boy a meaningful bro hug.

"Kendall, it's so good to see you!" said Logan also giving him a big hug.

The three boys smiled at each other. It seems like ages since they've all seen each other given that Big Time Rush ended their last concert three and a half years ago. Of course the boys still kept in touch, but they all were moving on with their busy lives, Carlos and Logan had become a couple and Kendall had gone off to college. They all stayed in California and lived not too far away from each other. These boys were blood brothers and nothing could ever separate them.

"Yeah it's great to see you guys too, wow you guys…. really went all out didn't you?" Kendall chuckled looking around the crowded beach house.

Logan and Carlos laughed along with him while Logan put one arm around Carlos's shoulder.

"Hey, you're talking to one half of the Hollywood Super Party King of Hollywood right here!" Logan said enthusiastically looking at Carlos and gave him a kiss on the cheek making the Latino blush.

Kendall's smile slowly faded away, the other half was James. Logan's eyes went wide, realizing his mistake and took his arm off of his boyfriend, but Carlos quickly changed the subject.

"Umm so Kendall, who's your friend?" Carlos asked pointing to Jo, who had been standing there the whole time in silence.

"Oh man, where are my manners, um Carlos, Logan, this is my girlfriend Jo," said Kendall smiling at her.

Jo shook each of Carlos and Logan's hand. "So nice to meet you both, Kendall's told me all about you!" she said sweetly.

"Great to meet you too Jo," smiled Carlos.

"Yeah, it's so nice to finally meet Kendall's _girlfriend_," Logan smiled at her and turned his head to Kendall, giving him a much diminished look.

Kendall knew what Logan meant by that expression he had on and didn't want Jo to get suspicious of anything. But Jo felt a little awkward anyways standing with her man and two life-long friends, she finally spoke.

"Um, I'm just going over there to talk to Camille and Stephanie, I'll see you in a bit Kendall, nice meeting you both!" she said kindly and walked away.

As soon as she was out of sight, Carlos slapped his boyfriend's side in annoyance while Logan stood there and crossed his arms.

"What, what did I say?" he asked confused.

"So nice to meet Kendall's girlfriend, you know better than to mention…_ him_ in front of Kendall!" Carlos said, they held their conversation as if Kendall weren't standing right there.

"Guys, standing right here you know!" he finally spoke.

"Oh right sorry Kendall, but is she really your…you know?" asked Logan in disbelief.

Kendall sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes Logan, Jo is really my_ girlfriend_." putting emphasis on the word girlfriend.

Carlos and Logan looked at each other, a little concerned. Logan turned back to Kendall and sighed. "She doesn't know?"

"Doesn't know what?" he asked, playing dumb.

"You know… about Ja-" Carlos started.

"Shushhhhhhh…." Kendall silenced him by putting his hand over Carlos's mouth, looking around to see if anyone else heard. "We don't have to mention, _his_ name…" he said removing his hand from Carlos's mouth.

Carlos took a deep breath and looked at Kendall with worried eyes and turned back to Logan who had a scared look on his face. Kendall started to get a little nervous by the looks on his friends faces.

"What's going on?" he asked tensely.

Logan looked back at Kendall and bit his lower lip, which he always did whenever he was really nervous.

"We… we invited James," he said softly.

Kendall backed up, away from the two boys and started to feel nauseous. That name was like a rush of cold water, drowning his entire body bringing back painful memories of the most difficult time of Kendall Knight's entire life. James Diamond was also a part of Big Time Rush; the four boys lived together in an apartment at the famous Palm Woods along with Kendall's mother and sister. James, Kendall, Logan and Carlos were the best of friends and were always going to be friends. That was until they confessed their love for each other.

Carlos admitted to Logan on the eve of their final concert that he loved him and wanted to be with him forever. Logan also admitted that he had felt the same way about Carlos for a very long time and the two immediately became a couple. James and Kendall couldn't have been happier for their two best friends being in love, they thought it was the cutest and sweetest thing in the world. After their band had ended James and Kendall had been spending so much time with each other, since Carlos and Logan was too busy being all lovey dovey with one another. James and Kendall constantly joked that the two of them should get together just so they wouldn't feel left out. But as time went on, that idea became more and more real to the both of them and they actually started to fall for each other. James was all for it, but Kendall, he was too afraid of getting hurt and losing their amazing friendship.

(Flashback)

"_Just admit it!" James yelled across the room at Kendall._

"_No I'm not going to admit anything, because it's not true, we can't do this!" he yelled right back, tears stinging in his eyes._

"_Yes we can!" James made his way towards the blonde and grabbed on to his wrists. "Look at me Kendall." He said in a serious tone._

_Kendall looked into his hazel eyes, full of sorrow and want. "Please tell me why we can't do this!" he pleaded._

"_You wouldn't understand James, just let it go!" Kendall begged._

"_Not until you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for me!" he said quietly, moving his lips closer to Kendall's._

_He wanted nothing more than to kiss James, than to be with him for the rest of his life, but he couldn't do it. Kendall looked away and shook his head._

_In an instant James let go and marched out the door, slamming it behind him, leaving Kendall all alone, and crying._

"Kendall…. _Kendall_!"Logan yelled, snapping the blonde boy out of his flashback.

Kendall shook his head and looked at Logan as if he were just about ready to kill him. "It was your idea to invite him wasn't it?" he gritted. "Logan, how many times do I have to tell you-"

"Hey, it was both of our idea, we both agreed to invite James!" Carlos stepped in, defending his boyfriend.

"Why would you both do that?" Kendall asked exasperatedly, throwing his arms in the air.

"Because Kendall, he's still one of our best friends and he's yours too!" Logan snapped. "Despite what happened between you both, you two still care about each other!"

Kendall let out a long, aggravated sigh. "There is nothing going on between me and James Diamond, ok _nothing_!"

"Oh really, then why haven't you guys spoken in the past, oh I don't know _three_ years?" Carlos asked crossing his arms at him.

"Yeah, don't even deny it Kendall," Logan agreed. "You still have feelings for him,"

Kendall looked down and covered his face with his hand. They were right, he did still have some feelings for the pretty boy and they were stronger than they had ever been. He would take one look at his face and disregard everything else including Jo, who he's been seeing for two months now. But who was he kidding, Kendall didn't feel that way about her and probably never will, and it pained him so much that he led her on like that. He removes his hand from his forehead and looks at his two best friends with a hurt expression in his face.

"Look," he said softly but seriously. "I can't go back there again, ok, I just can't…" he said his voice trailing off because of the huge lump forming in his throat.

Carlos and Logan's face soften up once they notice the change in Kendall's body language and tone of voice. They lean in, making him feel more comfortable having such a personal conversation. Logan put one hand on Kendall's shoulder, letting him know that he's sorry for snapping at him earlier. Carlos gently touched the side of Kendall's arm and finally spoke.

"Buddy, I know it's hard for the two of you to see each other right now and I'm sorry, you were right we never should've invited James without either one of your permission." He said softly.

"But Kendall, James was so thrilled to know that you were coming, I mean he really still cares about you!" Logan said, trying to convince him otherwise.

Kendall couldn't fathom that James was excited to see him, after what happened between the two of them and the fact that neither one spoke to each other in the past three years.

"Can I ask you something?" Carlos asked as Kendall nodded yes in his direction.

"Why are you so scared to be with him, you two obviously have something, why wouldn't you want the two of you to be together?" he asked softly, Logan leaning in to hear his answer.

Kendall sighed. "It's just that, our friendship is so important to me and if we ever became a couple, I was afraid that…"

"You might lose him as a friend?" Logan answered for him.

Kendall nodded weakly in his direction, feeling the lump in his throat get bigger. His two best friends leaned in and gave him and quick hug.

"Hey, just try to enjoy the party dude, with your new girlfriend," Carlos said as they looked over to Jo who was giggling and smiling with the girls.

"Yeah, we'll catch up with you later ok," Logan smiled at him, patting him once on the side of his arm and the two boys walked away.

Kendall thought maybe splashing some cold water on his face might cool him off after the heated conversation he had two seconds ago. He headed upstairs and into Carlos and Logan's master bedroom to use their personal bathroom since all the other ones are taken. Kendall stepped into the bedroom and raised his eyebrows and the enormity of it. He turned on the lights to the master bath and left the bathroom door open, splashing his face with cold water to calm himself down, not even realizing that the bedroom door had opened and a figure stood in the doorway of the bathroom. Kendall finally looked up into the mirror and jumped, at the reflection he saw in the mirror. He whipped his head to the doorway and saw James standing there. He had on a black button down shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow and straight leg jeans. His hair was a bit shorter and darker than Kendall remembered, but still just as perfect.

James stood there and looked at Kendall; he gave the blonde boy a soft smile.

"You look good Kendall," he spoke softly, stepping into the bathroom, walking closer to Kendall.

"James… it's good to see you… so do you bro, I like the new… hair." He stammered, shooting James a half-smile referring to the pretty boy's new do. This was the first time in three years the two boys have talked so they had to start off with a little bit of small talk.

James chuckled and ran his fingers through his darker hair. "Thanks, I thought I might make it shorter, change some stuff up a bit, plus I haven't been going to the beach a lot so you know… getting back to its original color and all," he said.

"Yeah, yeah I noticed… it looks nice!" Kendall said, standing there awkwardly, slowly rocking back and forth.

"Thanks, that um… that means a lot K- dog," he said moving closer to Kendall, as they faced each other.

Both boys stood there in a brief moment of silence, neither one of them looking each other in the eye. Kendall looked at the ground nervously and started to breathe heavily while James kept his eyes locked on Kendall, mimicking a lion getting ready to pounce and capture its prey. Kendall smacked his hands together and looked back up at James, and took a deep breath.

"So, um this was nice, seeing you again… I'm just gonna head out now…" he said making his move towards the door, but was stopped by James quickly grabbing his wrist, pulling his body as close in as possible to him.

They faced each other; their bodies almost touching to the point where Kendall was able to feel James's hot breath on his face, and get a whiff of his signature cologne, Polo by Ralph Lauren. It was the cologne Kendall got him for his sixteenth birthday, and ever since then, that's been his signature scent, and Kendall loved it. James held onto Kendall's wrists and brought it to his chest, looking deep into the blonde boy's eyes, being captured by his emerald green eyes that always made him melt inside. James smiled down at Kendall, who was just an inch shorter than him.

"You haven't changed a bit…" he said sweetly, their faces almost touching. Kendall definitely looked the same, except for the fact he's gotten a bit more muscular.

Kendall smirked. "You actually remember what I look like?"

"I never forget a face," he said softly.

Kendall released his hands from James's grasp. "I'm surprised you even remember my name, given the fact that you never call or see me anymore."

"And whose fault is that Kendall?" James asked, crossing his arms, looking very condescendingly at the blonde.

Kendall huffed, feeling defeated at his words. It was his fault for the two of them not keeping contact anymore, right after what happened, Kendall called James and told him its best that the two of them not speak to each other again, for the best.

"Well it doesn't matter now, I'm with someone else," he said defiantly.

James chuckled, taking it as a joke. "Yeah, I saw her, nice girl, very pretty… but not very bright if she hasn't figured out that you don't like girls anymore."

Those words stung Kendall as they left James's mouth, it was true. But he had to be firm with him or else he'll never give up.

"Yeah well… why don't you just leave James," he said nastily not being able to take him being there, toying with his feeling. "You have to move on, do it for your own sake, this isn't right, _**we're**_ not right for each other."

The last thing Kendall wanted was to leave James with a broken heart, seeing that hurt look on James's face was too over bearing for the blonde boy. But he can't fall back into James's charm again, its how this whole charade started.

"I can't do that Kendall," he said getting even closer, his body heat radiating against Kendall's pale skin. "You're too hard to forget about…."

The blonde let out a long sigh, getting nowhere with him. He turned away from James and faced the bathroom mirror, placing his hands on the sink and hanging his head. He felt a strong pair of arms wrap around his torso as he leaned upward, looking into the mirror, and seeing James's head on his shoulder.

"This amazing body…" he said, trailing his hands all along the sides of Kendall's body, feeling every curve and contour. "That perfect blonde hair," he said putting his nose to the back of Kendall's head smelling his sweet shampoo.

"James, _don't_…." Kendall choked out, feeling himself getting tangled back into his web of charms.

"She can't love you nearly as much as I do…." He whispered directly into his ear, hearing a bit of jealousy in his tone, sending a shiver down to his toes.

Kendall tried his best not to let his lust for James get the better of him. He breathed heavily as James moved his lips to Kendall's shoulder, planting a slow kiss on his blazer. Kendall's thoughts were racing, he had to stop this. James's head moved closer to his bare neck as he moved up his shoulder. No matter how gorgeous he is, how great he smells, how amazing it is to feel his hands on him, Kendall could_** not**_ let this happen, let James get hurt again. James was right about to land a kiss on Kendall's bare neck when the blonde boy, turned around, making James back away in shock.

Kendall stormed out of the bathroom and into the large bedroom, but James caught up with him and once again grabbed his arms, before he reached the door. Kendall furiously tried to shake him off.

"James, let go of me, just move on with your life," he said trying to pull away. But James being too strong pulled him close.

They were chest to chest, face to face, eyes to eyes. Kendall looked into James's big hazel eyes and was heartbroken by his expression. A lust filled look full of hurt.

"Not until you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for me!" he said quietly, moving his lips closer to Kendall's.

Kendall's lips quivered and his throat became dry. James had said the_ exact_ same thing before he left. The same powerful grip, the same saddened expression and the same watery hazel eyes desperately waiting for his answer.

"We've went through this before-"

"Only this time….. I'm not leaving until I get my answer…" he whispered, looking deep into Kendall's green eyes, penetrating his soul, turning his head, moving his lips only centimeters away from Kendall's.

Kendall wanted nothing more than to be with him, but he just can't let his best friend become his boyfriend. Think about how it could mess up their relationship as friends if the break up, think about how he hasn't called in so long, think about poor Jo whose still downstairs waiting for him, being so faithful, she doesn't deserve this. His thoughts screamed all the negatives and none of the positives.

"What are you afraid of?" James asked; his voice very low and shaky. He touched his nose to Kendall's, placing his hand on Kendall's neck,

Kendall couldn't take it anymore; he wrapped his hand around James head and crushed his lips towards his. Feeling so relieved that the tension finally eased and he let his heart take control. He gripped onto James's hips, wasting no time in pushing James onto the bed, and furiously kissing him. The two boys kissed passionately, opening their mouths, letting their tongues collide in a euphoric battle. James moaned slightly into the kiss when Kendall hit his sweet spots, and turned him over, so the blonde was beneath him on his backside.

James's straddled the blonde boy and leaned back down to kiss his lips. Underneath him, Kendall felt a large bulge beginning to form in his jeans, and felt it getting bigger and bigger, which freaked him out completely. This was enough; he couldn't go all the way. Kendall put one hand on James's chest and pushed him up breaking the kiss. James frowned at him.

"Kendall?" he whined, his eyebrows furrowing.

"We can't do this!" he said sternly.

"Why,_ why_ can't we do this Kendall, explain that to me?" he said getting off of him and sitting up, as did Kendall. "I like you and you like me, I don't get _why_ I can't be you!"

"Because…."

"Because what?" he demanded.

"BECAUSE I'M AFRAID!" he yelled, crossing his arms, his eyes filling with tears.

James's expression softened, putting one finger to Kendall's chin turning him to face him. "What are you afraid of?"

Kendall took a deep sigh; he knew this day would come. "I'm afraid that if we do become a couple, everything's going to be so great and then… we break up and we'll lose the friendship we've had for so long, and I _don't_ want that to happen… I love you James…" he said softly.

James leaned over and pecked Kendall on the lips. "I love you too Kendall,"

They both smiled at each other and kissed once more and broke apart.

"If we do end up dating and breaking up, I'm not going to let our friendship break apart…. I'm _**not**_ going to lose you again!" he said.

Kendall smiled at him. "I'm not going to lose you either James,"

The two kissed, grinning excessively into each other's mouths; James, returning to his original position, straddling the blonde boy, feeling his own erection coming to life. The two boys kissed heatedly, tongues and all, both striving for dominance, though neither one succeeding. Without breaking apart their kiss, Kendall roughly undid the buttons of James's button down shirt, as the pretty boy yanked it off and threw it to the floor. Kendall took a while to study the taller boy's impressive form, he's never realized how incredibly hot his body was. James smirked, knowing what Kendall was thinking and moved his lips to the blonde's neck, sucking immensely as Kendall tugged at James's jeans, unbuttoning them and unzipping as James kicked it off onto the floor.

James felt his erection throbbing painfully at in his boxers, which was the only thing he had on. He wanted the blonde boy, and he wanted him_ now_. Kendall moved James's mouth back to his, where they kissed more and more, taking short two second intervals between kisses. James easily took off Kendall's blazer and slipped off his white V neck. James broke apart their kiss and marvelously looked at Kendall's body. He was definitely not the same as he remembered. Kendall's body transformed from being lanky and stick-like to very muscular and shapely. His biceps had gotten bigger, pectorals popping out and nicely sculpted and he finally got that six-pack he's being wanting for ages. Kendall looked up at James whose mouth was slightly agape and furrowed his eyebrows, confused.

"What?" Kendall asked.

"You… you're just…. Have you been working out?" he asked.

Kendall laughed under his breath. "Well I got a membership at the gym and you know… I go every once and a while…" he said blushing.

"Wow, you're definitely not that skinny kid I remember," he chuckled.

Kendall smirked. "Oh thanks,"

"Oh don't deny it," he said kissing him once more. "But you're even more hot than you were back then." He winked, earning him another sweet kiss from Kendall.

Both boy's continued to kiss messily as James undid the zipper of Kendall's jeans and slid them down his slender legs, Kendall kicking them to the floor. James maneuvered his lips, roughly nipping and sucking Kendall's neck, determined to leave a purple bruise there when he's done. Kendall gripped onto the back of James's neck, feeling the pain in his lower half unbearable to take any longer. He gently ground his pelvis against James, creating the smallest bit of friction, to ease his sexual excitement. James's body glistened with sweat, making his muscles all glow and sparkle as if he were a vampire from twilight, only better. Kendall's blonde hair stuck to his forehead, until he ran his hands through it pushing his bangs back, as James did the same.

James traced his hands all the way down to Kendall's boxers, slowly slipping it off. Every move James made at Kendall's lower half, made the blonde whimper, feeling so much pain down there, that he bucked his hips into James's hand. The pretty boy smirked.

"_Mmmmm _someone's a little impatient," he snickered.

"It's your fault," Kendall grumbled.

James chuckled and easily slipped off Kendall's saturated boxers. The blonde did the same to James, easily taking off the pretty boy's wet underwear. James positioned himself in between Kendall's entrance, as the blonde started breathing profoundly, trying his best to stay calm.

"I'll be gentle ok," James said sweetly, earning a smile and nod from Kendall.

James drew his hips back, holding onto Kendall's thighs firmly as Kendall held onto James's biceps the pretty boy struck himself halfway into Kendall's hole. Kendall gasped a little at the sudden shock; he felt a mix of pain and satisfaction at that first thrust.

"Kendall… you ok?" James asked softly, a little concerned.

"I'm fine… m-more than fine, you can move," he breathed, his heart rate speeding up.

James obeyed and shoved himself out and back in all the way making Kendall moan with anguish as James continued this rhythmic pattern on him. As they continued to buck ruthlessly, the boys met in a long kiss, only concentrating on that, while letting their lower halves take control. James gripped onto Kendall's hips as he started to go faster and faster, making sharp stabs as he angled his hips to fuck the blonde boy ruthlessly. Kendall spread out his legs on the bed, taking in as much of James's full length as he could, feeling his climax approaching in a matter of seconds.

"Oh _**God**_ James…" Kendall groaned the pretty boy's name aloud.

"You're so…. _fucking_ tight Kendall," James growled as he felt the inner walls of Kendall's ass beginning to constrict around his member.

Kendall held onto James's biceps, digging his nails into his arms as he arched his back, breaking the kiss, as James pleasurably sucked on his neck. Their movements became very rapid, as their heart rate fled off the charts, feeling the best they've had in ages. James felt his release approach.

"I'm _close,_ Kendall…" he groaned

"I'm r-right there _James,"_ Kendall choked out.

Their bodies both shook and within seconds, with the moan of each other's names, both boys climaxed together. Kendall buried his head into James shoulder, while they rode out of their intense orgasm with shorter, softer pushes their heart beats slowing down and their breathing returning to normal. Kendall lay back into the pillows, as James lay down with him, compressing his forehead to his lovers. They lay there, noses touching and smiles pronounced as they shared the after-glow of their wonderful night. Both smiled at each other and kissed once more, a kiss that replayed their entire night in all of three seconds of lip locking. Kendall sighed and finally spoke.

"I'm glad I took a risk with you James," he said softly, smiling up at the pretty boy.

James quietly laughed and kissed his forehead. "So am I," he said sliding out his limp member from inside of Kendall, leaning back down to kiss him sweetly.

Suddenly Kendall's phone started to buzz, making them break apart as Kendall reached down to the floor and take out his cell phone. He looked at the screen and laughed at the text message from Logan.

_Next time you guys wanna have sex….. Please don't do it in OUR bedroom ;P_

He showed the text to James, making him laugh out loud as well, then got another text from Carlos two seconds later.

_Don't listen to Logie, he's just upset he has to change to sheets now, Congratulations to the both of you:)_

Both boys laughed out loud and found each other's lips again. Both were happy they got it right this time, and in the future, they'll never leave each other ever again.

**Hoped you guys liked it! I worked REALLY hard on it and wrote it while I was sick in bed :P So I deserve some reviews lol thanks for reading! Means a lot :)**

**Xoxo Steph**


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